The Urban Sherpa - Directory

(the monkeys are at the gate...)

The Urban Sherpa keeps a collection of stories and curios filed under Mythic Proportions.

Directory

Entries are listed below in alphabetical order. (One-star and "hidden" entries have been filtered out, for your own protection...) Also, for easier access, try the Best Of or Feeling Lucky pages.

The ratings are according to my own whim. If you disagree with a rating and care to say so, send me a note.

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$1.84 (October 25, 2005) A small duffel bag of dirty laundry and a dollar and eighty-four cents in my pocket. Dirty jeans and a cheap, ratty sweater.
(Don't Go Back to) Rockville Center (November 1, 2008) Revisiting Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
(Not) Common (June 12, 2006) or, Afternoon in the Park
(Not) Nova Scotia (June 7, 2006) I decide to go to Nova Scotia.
... and 38,011 to go (November 6, 2010) National Novel Writing Month (like most things) causes me very conflicted feelings.
... and dreamt of becoming infinite (April 10, 2010) Pilgrimage to the future catastrophe
11 (September 11, 2005) Two months ago, I started seeing 11:11 on the clock...
11 (Waves) (December 24, 2008) (poem)
2 (June 23, 2006) On the one hand, the need to be special. On the other hand, the need to belong.
2 or 3 (November 30, 2008) or, Raison d'etre, pt. 4
3 Psalms (June 22, 2011) Agnostic songs of wonder and hope.
5,999,999 to Go (January 28, 2008) One reason to go on dates: it narrows the field.
60 Seconds Under a Black Star (February 1, 2006) I was running late because I had forgotten to set my alarm.
The Urban Sherpa on Your iPhone (September 7, 2008) Finally!
A Better Mousetrap (April 15, 2006) The first time it was the sound. It was just after I had moved into the apartment, and the place was piled with broken-down cardboard
A Convulsion () Asking a cigarette from a woman I used to love...
A Definition of Irony (November 16, 2006) I would like to posit a theory, based on the evidence provided by two of the more famous Irishmen—Sam Beckett and James Joyce.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the— (February 27, 2006) Technically my birthday had already been over for a few hours when I stepped into the busy street without looking.
A Look in the Mirror () repurposeful
A Look in the Mirror, Pt. 2 (January 5, 2009) Sometimes, I catch myself doing things that would be perfectly reasonable to do, if I were someone else.
A Pacific Gyre (March 11, 2011) All these days of not writing. It makes me wonder what's going on. But not enough to write about it.
A Problem Involving Phrasal Verbs (January 4, 2009) Going out. Getting on. Doing over.
A Steady Hand (May 16, 2011) I recently watched Werner Herzog's documentary, The Cave of Forgotten Dreams
A Visitors' Guide to Crazy (December 30, 2005) First of all, that thing that you are doing now: it is not crazy. It is normal. Everyone talks to themselves.
Absence Seizure (October 10, 2008) The nights are restless, dark and deep.
Aesop Wasn't a Drinker (March 7, 2012) Fables, revisited.
Agoraphobia.11n (May 18, 2010) Noun.
Air Pocket (December 18, 2008) You're going through your day, going about your business, when suddenly...
All Souls (November 2, 2011) When we die, it's a cascade of pearls, and no necklace.
All the Paintings in the World (July 3, 2006) I remember helping a friend move out of his apartment and finding a Picasso in his closet.
All-Star (July 22, 2005) I have a friend who is a playwright, which is a little bit like saying I have a friend who is a mime or I have a friend who is a professional curler.
Aloha (April 6, 2009) No blogging while traveling. Mahalo for your patience.
Alt-Country (October 16, 2007) Lost my job, my house, my truck.
Am I Invisible? (July 14, 2009) Then why...?
Ambient Intimacy, pt 2 (September 23, 2008) Sometimes, often, pressed up against people during rush hour on the train...
Ambient Intimacy, pt. 1 (September 13, 2008) Sometimes, often, pressed up against people during rush hour on the train...
Ambient Intimacy, pt. 3 (September 29, 2008) Knowing the names of all of the dogs on your block, and none of the people.
America's Fantasyland (March 14, 2004) The golden age of New Zealand cinema is at hand.
Amish Missed Connections (September 8, 2012) You were changing a wagon wheel. I was wearing a hat. You smiled.
An American Dream (May 24, 2010) Reality is more real than you think it is.
An Example of What the Zen Call "Monkey Mind" (May 1, 2004) It is 75 degrees here in Brooklyn, the first reminder that it gets hot here in the summer.
An Inconvenient Syllogism (October 12, 2007) Now that Al Gore has won the Nobel Prize for Peace...
An Introduction to Art (March 2001)
And Everyone's Wearing the Same Suit (June 20, 2012) Workaholism
And never requires washing (March 10, 2011) Self-loathing is just vanity...
Angeles (1999) Part One: Allegro
Another Fool on the Internet (January 11, 2008) Chris demolishes a chocolate Santa, and much much more...
Another Friday Night (August 22, 2008) sailing...
Antimonious (April 21, 2006) Adjective.
Apartment of the Damned (July 13, 2006) In a rapid succession of demoralizing news, I learned that I will not be moving into a sweet new dream apartment
Apocalypse Now (March 25, 2011) After a while we started to wonder if the apocalypse wasn't going to happen all at once, like we'd always imagined...
Arbitrary Haiku #1 (January 4, 2013) My contribution to Arbitrary Haiku Day:
Are You Lonely? (June 18, 2005) No, not particularly. But if that is true, why did I pick up this pamphlet..
Armchair Steve Jobs (December 11, 2012) Noun.
Aspirin for Gangrene (October 15, 2009) You're new. You show up in town with a few things you stuffed into a bag.
Astigmatism of the Heart (August 14, 2010) Noun.
Astrological Ashram (November 14, 2007) I spend the morning reading blogs much better than mine
Aural Tradition (April 14, 2006) Last week, I lost my entire music collection.
Auto-Summarize (August 20, 2005) Hello. Hi there. You in the back - welcome.
Autocompete (April 29, 2011) Noun.
Automobiles, Bombs, and Movies! (November 14, 2004) As our elections fall more and more into the domain of a
Autoschadenfreude (October 14, 2005) Noun. A malicious satisfaction in the misfortunes of yourself.
Autoschadenfreude, pt. 2 (May 20, 2008) I saw something today that made me want to coin a new defnition of "autoschadenfreude,"...
Awash in a Sea of Nothing (August 12, 2008) If you drink enough, you stop feeling your skin, and that's a good thing.
B2 or Not B2, that is the question. (September 11, 2006) When I first moved to Boston, I stayed in a condo with a roof deck that gave me a striking view of the city skyline
Back to School (September 14, 2006) I am a grumpy old man.
Backpacking to Nowhere (March 20, 2011) How calming the arrival of actual disaster will be.
Band Aid (January 2, 2008) Anything that can be fixed with a Band Aid wasn't broken to begin with...
Bardo (January 5, 2007) For no reason, I have been waking around dawn, so that without any planning, I have managed to see the sun rise every day of this new year
Battleground (October 17, 2004) I am wondering if I will not be able to sleep till after the elections (or till after the inevitable post-election litigation).
Beachbum Metaphysics, pt. 1 (August 23, 2010) Existence, poolside
Beachbum Metaphysics, pt. 2 (August 24, 2010) Existence, with butterfly
Beachbum Metaphysics, pt. 3 (August 25, 2010) Existence, with pool toys
Beauty (December 30, 2009) Noun.
Because I Can (January 18, 2006) Is it illegal to rip a copy of the anti-piracy movie?
Bedtime Stories, circa 2020 (July 23, 2011)
Belly of the Whale (September 16, 2012) He's holding his breath. He couldn't call out if he wanted to.
Bermuda Triangles of the Home (August 28, 2010) I wonder now if time and space aren't exactly the way we imagine them to be.
Best Disappointing Games of 2007 (January 14, 2008) You have to love something before it can break your heart.
Beyond Reproach (May 30, 2005) Why is it so hard to step back and take a good critical look at the ones we love?
Biennial Minimalism (August 16, 2005) One advantage of moving every couple of years is the purging of so much accumulated crap.
Bigfoot Inc. (September 17, 2012) We packed our things into the truck and drove off in search of Bigfoot.
Bike Race (September 2, 2012) This morning, Lance Armstrong challenged my three-year-old son to a tricycle race.
Black Holes And Revelations (September 10, 2008) By the time you read this, we'll all be dead.
Blister becomes callus (September 4, 2010) We call it "breaking in shoes"...
Blog of the Future (July 16, 2010) What do you want, stranger?
Blue Moon (September 1, 2012) Shhhh. Shhhh.
Blunt Trauma to the Head (December 31, 2007) Hi there. I saw you from across the room. I couldn't help but notice you looking at me. And winking.
Bogus (November 11, 2004) Sean Penn has had his share of words on domestic and world politics since Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Boot-Strapping (July 14, 2007) There is a moment in Werner Herzogs new film, Rescue Dawn, when, after weeks of planning their escape from a prisoner of war camp in Laos, a character just vomits.
Breadcrumb Trail (October 23, 2011) I was out walking the dog.
Breakdown / Metaphors (June 15, 2006)
Breakfast of Champions (February 21, 2006) When I was in my early twenties, there was a while I ate breakfast cereal almost exclusively.
Bride of Frankenstein (October 31, 2011) During the sex scandal....
Brotherhood (January 24, 2013) The view from space
Brownout (July 21, 2005) New York suffers slowly through its heat wave: the air conditioners sputter and spit, and finally the lights flicker, dim, and go out.
Bubble-Gum on Bush's Shoe (September 18, 2008) Mixing metaphors on Wall Street
Burning Bridges (February 2, 2008) Despite its common idiomatic usage, "burning your bridges" is not something you do in order to force yourself forward.
But for the Grace of God (August 29, 2010) On the day that Glenn Beck and his horde of infantile angry white men converged by the Lincoln Memorial to restore the honor of America, I was carrying a woman with a broken hip into a friend's car.
But what a dress! (October 6, 2010) Love...
Buy-a-Baby (May 2, 2008) You too can have your very own Alina, Emily or Abigail. Act now.
Camera Adds Ten (October 10, 2006) I do not recognize myself.
Canny (September 3, 2006) Once a year, around Labor Day, my liberal-arts-educated family gets together for an almost scientific, Mr. Wizard sort of holiday:
Caption from an As-Yet Undrawn Cartoon (February 15, 2011) You think that's bad?
Caption from an As-Yet Undrawn Cartoon (October 4, 2012)
Cassandras in unexpected places (September 4, 2008) Some days I hate this town.
Cat, Out of Bag, Releases Tongue (June 19, 2008) I'm a terrible keeper of secrets.
Caution Curves (October 20, 2007) There must be a word for that sudden, inexplicable urge to drive your car into a telephone pole.
Caveatemptoraphobia (March 14, 2008) See also, pessimism.
Chafe (May 1, 2010) From the French
Change of Address (July 23, 2007) I find these "change of address" messages a little embarrassing.
Change We Can Believe In (July 29, 2010)
Charity, Chastity (March 8, 2008) He touched me, twice, softly, his fingertips brushing my arm.
Chemical Imbalance (March 23, 2005) I had not seen my sister in three months and the first words out of her mouth: Are you going bald?
Chicken Soup (November 17, 2007) Chicken soup is a food we only eat when we are sick, which means it is a food we can never quite taste when we eat it.
Chickens (September 8, 2005) The weather in Boston has been beautiful, the subway in Boston has been slow, and the conjunction of those two facts has meant that I walk.
Chickens, pt. 2 (October 2, 2005) I was out of coat hangers.
Chicory (October 29, 2006) I have started drinking chicory coffee.
Christopher is ... (December 19, 2007) Only a very vain, very bored person would post a month's worth of Facebook "status updates" as a blog entry.
Chutes and Ladders (April 4, 2008) That's a metaphor, not reality.
Clatter (November 12, 2011) Noun.
Climbing Up the Walls (July 20, 2005) Do other people do this? I found a song last night I can't stop listening to, and...
Cloudscape (March 20, 2008) I am sitting in that chair in the corner of my bedroom, and my hand is bleeding.
Clunkity (August 6, 2011) If my heart were an engine
Clutter and Kindness (November 21, 2007) The clutter at this house is fantastic; there is not a single bit of surface area that has not been piled twice over.
Coathanger Lobotomy (October 13, 2007)
Cold Moon (December 12, 2008) or, Kiss Me While You Can
Coming Soon, to a Mob Near You (March 7, 2008) Now might be the time to pick up an iPhone—before it changes forever.
Command Line Existential Crisis (April 25, 2008) $ whatis whoami
Computer Head (February 11, 2005) I've had my head in a computer for days now, and it has had an unsettling effect that I call, simply, computer head.
Conestoga Wagon (September 20, 2012) When he lost his job at Best Buy...
Congress Plays At Game Theory, Loses (September 30, 2008) An almost textbook example of the game theory classic, The Prisoner's Dilemma
Constituting or amounting to a whole (March 24, 2005) They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery—but what about stealing?
Conversation with Blog (January 25, 2008)
Cover Her (March 21, 2005) Aw shucks. I have not made fun of Britney in over a year.
Creature of Habit (December 13, 2008) Maintaining a blog is like being a nun who makes regular appointments for Brazilian wax.
Crossing Guard (March 28, 2008) Every day, on every corner, their guardian angels are there to protect them, and help them home.
Dark Ages (October 14, 2006) On September 4, 476 A.D., child-emperor Romulus Augustus was removed from power—but the Rome was not unbuilt in a day.
Days of Moving Slowly (December 20, 2005) We were glued to the TV late on Thursday night, because all three of us had places to be early the next morning.
De-Construction (May 30, 2008) It's not a fine day at all. The sky is falling, and we're running to tell the king!
Death in Texas (February 22, 2008) Maybe you watched last night's Democratic debate on CNN. Maybe you heard the booing.
Death in the Afternoon (December 5, 2007) Today a loyal and stalwart friend of mine passed away, but before you start drafting your sympathy cards, I should clarify: this old friend is a computer.
Death of the Author (April 5, 2005) When Donnie Darko was released during the 2001 Sundance Film Festival, first-time
Deeper and Deeper (June 2, 2005) To be honest, I don't give a damn who "Deep Throat" was.
Demonology (June 16, 2009) My friends tell me I should get rid of my demon lover.
Denim Man (March 22, 2010) A superhero for our times.
Deucelion. Gomorrah. New Orleans. (September 2, 2005) It is a kind of perversion, is it not, to be sitting here flipping through Internet photos of suffering, looking for the "best" ones?
Dharma.com (June 5, 2005) I got it in my head that I needed a new computer—as if four weren't enough.
Dilettante (December 14, 2008) Noun.
Dirty, Clever & Self-Absorbed (October 5, 2008) You're not a hipster, are you?
Disaster, Guilt, and Convergence of the Twain (January 6, 2005) I liked my life better when I was a regular reader of the LA Weekly.
Disimportant (July 12, 2006) The air conditioner cannot cut through the damp heat of the apartment.
Do No Evil (March 19, 2008) Hillary Clinton should step down, and concede the race for the Democratic presidential nomination.
Dog Poop (August 14, 2011) It's dark black and still warm, but firm.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell (March 16, 2008) Army of Two gets a few things right
Don't Quit Your Day Job (October 22, 2007) Some of you may have noticed, from the scattered images over the last couple of weeks, that I have taken up painting and I am terrible at it
Double-Entry Accounting (December 1, 2008) He, getting dressed, flips through his wallet.
Double-Take (August 21, 2010) There was no particular difference...
Down the Little Red Lane (February 14, 2010) Me and the cherry-red redhead
Dreaming on the Tooth Fairy (December 2, 2008) The idea has been loosened and is dangling like a tooth.
Dressing Up (October 31, 2006) I have this pair of pants. "Slacks," but I've always hated that word.
Drink-to-Sleep Index (December 10, 2008) Expressed as a ratio, or sometimes a number
Dynamite! (December 1, 2007) If it weren't already completely clear that Hillary Clinton is the heir apparent to the Oval Office, it became a little more so yesterday.
Dysdysphoria (April 5, 2011) Noun.
Dysthymia (October 5, 2010) Noun.
Egg (November 16, 2009) Noun.
Election Night Haiku (November 8, 2006) A text message haiku (of sorts) from a friend.
Elsewhere (July 15, 2005) Oh, Gentle Reader. I try to be honest with you. I do. But...
Embrace the Kafka (February 4, 2005) They say people are creatures of habit, and I am no exception. I have a favorite mailbox, at the northwest corner of 34th Street and 7th Avenue.
Emergency Preparedness (November 19, 2007) I hear the chirp from a walkie talkie outside my window, and see a small group of police standing next to my apartment. And a fire truck.
End of an Era (June 3, 2007) I swore to lay off the blog till something changed. No point in rehashing the same sad story over and over. Well, my friends: the time has come.
Ennuicon (June 6, 2011) The sad, wistful, absurdist smile.
Epiphanini (September 19, 2012) Noun.
Epiphany of the Shopping Mall, pt. 1 (November 14, 2009) All people are aesthetes.
Errand (August 27, 2004) Noun. An expedition involving the acquisition of some good, usually perceived as essential, when in fact completely unnecessary.
Escape is Everything (November 8, 2009) The car with the top down, and a tornado's worth of wind in the back seat.
Escapism is underrated (September 17, 2005) Still trying to settle into this new job and digest this new city.
Eskimo Kiss (December 4, 2008) As we move from one state to another, language fails.
Eskimo Words for "Brunch" (May 17, 2010) The common conception that the Eskimo have a hundred or hundreds of words for brunch is a problematic one.
Eternal Recurrence (May 31, 2012) The other day we were hiking at Eaton Canyon, where the desert trees have hunkered down for a long dry season, and I was thinking about eternal recurrence.
Everywhere You Go, There You Aren't (October 12, 2006) You wake up before the alarm and you're completely disoriented.
Excuses, Excuses (March 6, 2009) Sorry: you know how it is...
Exhuming Melissa (December 20, 2008) Exhuming Melissa, who buried me first, years ago.
Experiments in Magnetic Poetry (pt. 1) (October 1, 2007) poetry magnets
Experiments in Magnetic Poetry (pt. 2) (October 11, 2007) poetry magnets
Experiments in Magnetic Poetry (pt. 3) (October 18, 2007) poetry magnets
Fables of the Deconstruction (November 12, 2006) When I was younger, I used to drink to feel free. Now I drink to feel younger.
Failed Travel Book Titles (September 16, 2011) Let's Go!
False Face (March 15, 2006) In a month of emotional upsets, I got an unexpected one the other day from what I thought would have been emotionally safe territory: MySpace
Fathers' Day (June 11, 2008) Two stories, each one terrible in its own way...
Faultline (July 27, 2005) It took a family emergency—not even my own familiy, or my own emergency—to put all of my more menial worries into a proper perspective.
Faux Logic (October 14, 2010) A syllogism.
Fewer / Farther Between (May 12, 2005) I'd like to start with a public "Thank you" to the people who have expressed concern.
File Under 'Pathos' (February 18, 2008) So in the case of undifferentiated pain, what do you do?
Fire Drill (June 27, 2008) Why do these things always happen to me?
Fish in the Sea (August 6, 2006) How gracious, how benign, is Solitude.
Fitter, Happier (January 21, 2008) To help channel the anger that I've been piling up against the universe, this week I joined a gym...
Floating on the River (May 25, 2011) You like your house—so much so that you often forget that it sits in the middle of vast river.
Flotsam (August 24, 2008) The difference between "flotsam" and "jetsam"...
Flunking Out of Electoral College (November 7, 2004) The population of Wyoming is roughly half a million; the state gets three electoral votes. California has fifty-five electoral votes - 18 times as many as Wyoming - but 70 times as many people.
Foggy (July 8, 2005) Today, all the world's eyes are on London, and so were mine. But...
Food Court (March 27, 2007) The inventor of the food court should get some kind of Congressional medal, because I can't think of anything that better encapsulates the way Americans live.
For Crying Out Loud (March 14, 2005) I'm on my way to work, right?, minding my own business.
Forced Entry (January 16, 2009) Kato Kaelin's been here again today.
Forecasting (December 10, 2005) Each weekday, Weather.com posts an email to my BlackBerry, warning me what weather I can expect for the foreseeable future.
Formative Years (July 30, 2005) I stumbled on some writing I'd done a while back, and found out that, before blogs, I was doing more or less exactly what I'm doing now.
Fortress of Solitude (April 17, 2008) It was another routine day in Metropolis for Superman...
Forty-seven hours, fifteen minutes (February 26, 2005) Sorry not to have written in all this time. You might say I've been away. In fact, you might say I've been "far, far away."
Freaks and Geeks (November 19, 2005) I slipped away early. I needed to see for myself if what I'd heard was true: Voldemort was back.
Frequently Asked Questions (April 11, 2010) The following questions are based on actual search queries which lead people to this site.
Fresh Perspective (August 12, 2005) I picked up a Visitor Pass from the MBTA and tried to get off at as many train stops as I could squeeze into a day.
Fridge Full of Condiments and No Food (April 16, 2008) Current inventory of the refrigerator, as of April 16:
Fucking Hillary Clinton (February 4, 2008) The ice cubes in my glass freeze together head to head, like a kiss.
Fun (January 22, 2006) The following entry is long. It is not particularly pithy, profound, or well-written. It contains scenes of vampire violence. Most of all, it is not fun.
Fundamental Particle (August 4, 2011) Somehow it slipped all their minds that they spent their days trafficking in miracles.
Funny thing is... (May 11, 2005) I don't remember ever having been the Easter Bunny.
Furniture (October 4, 2005) Think about your furniture.
Furniture, pt. 2 (February 7, 2006) If, as I claimed earlier, the abandoning of furniture over the course of our lives is symbolic of all of the other things we leave behind, then the opposite is also true:
Furniture, pt. 3 (April 3, 2006) This happens every time:
Furniture, pt. 4 (July 29, 2006) Having realized that changing apartments is not an easy, sure-fire path to happiness , I set down the harder road, and redecorate.
Game Over (December 3, 2007) When the course of human history is set, it's not usually set by fat guys in bad t-shirts who spend all their time playing videogames.
Gassy (July 7, 2005) The Bush Administration is finally willing to concede that there might be a connection between carbon emissions and global warming.
Getting Your Aquarium Above Water (October 17, 2009) Today, while visiting your aquarium, we invented a few ways to improve it, which we'd like to share with you.
Ghost in the Machine (July 5, 2006) A long time ago, we used to be friends.
Ghost in the Machine, pt. 2 (July 7, 2006) What was I watching when your careworn face showed up on screen?
God of Small (White) Things (October 5, 2007) The Darjeeling Limited is like a dollhouse made of marzipan...
Godzilla Reading Haiku (August 2, 2010) It's lonely being a monster.
Goldilocks and the Three Boys (June 12, 2012) Is it fear of failure that keeps us from choosing the thing we might actually want? Or is it the belief that wanting makes us weak?
Golem (October 13, 2011) The ceiling fan spins round and round and round.
Gordian Knot (April 28, 2006) "The sheer variety and volume of completed projects indicates a restless and determined spirit.... However..."
Greed, Lust (March 12, 2008) The most-asked question in New York these days: what was he thinking???
Greek Tragicomedy (January 30, 2012) Aeschylus was offered the screenwriting job....
Guess Things Happen That Way (November 23, 2005) The Christian right must be thrilled to find a sudden, unexpected friend in that modern-day Gomorrah, liberal Hollywood.
Guidance Counseling (June 18, 2012) "I'm too talented," Theo agreed wholeheartedly.
Haiku (November 16, 2005) The days are long and my butt gets bigger. Outside, a gentle rain falls.
Hanging by a Thread (July 27, 2008) A few years ago, toward the end of a troubled love affair, I went clothes shopping, and bought a pair of pants.
Happy Valentine's Day (February 14, 2011) The woman at the store said, ...
Hardback Demographic (February 24, 2006) Walking out of the Barnes and Noble tonight with a heavier-than-usual bag in my hand, I realized that I'd crossed over, finally, into the hardback demographic
Having Cake Versus Eating It (June 6, 2007) When does anyone ever, ever have cake without eating it too? I thought that's what having cake was...
Hawaiian Shirt (August 22, 2010) Noun.
Hazy (July 9, 2005) In case I haven't been clear on this, I'm not a supporter of the current U.S. president or his policies.
Head in Cloud (October 3, 2008) Tag cloud from The Urban Sherpa, 2004-2008
Headlines from Surrealist Newspaper (June 11, 2012) Man, looking for lost love, finds it in his attic.
Heart-Healthy Headache (April 17, 2010) Noun.
Hemicrania simplex (December 15, 2010) or, How's L.A.?
Hip-Hop Gandhi and the End of Time (November 9, 2007) Waking life is alright—some interesting things happen there—but the maybe-sad fact is that some of my most powerful experiences happen to me while I'm sleeping
Hipsterior (June 23, 2012) Noun.
Hitler's Birthday (April 20, 2008) Kitsch of evil.
Holding Pattern (February 1, 2011) Dude next to me on the plane has more little bags and baskets and kits and accessories than the parents traveling with children.
Home / Away From Home (August 28, 2005) I had an apartment in Hollywood a while back and I lived there for many happy years.
Home / Away From Home, pt. 2 (September 25, 2005) The Fung Wah bus lurches through traffic, somewhere in interminable Connecticut, on another leg of its Sisyphian circuit between Boston and New York.
Home / Sweet Home (October 1, 2005) I moved today, and I'm not sure how to make an entertaining story out of two dozen trips up and down the stairs.
Homesteading (November 30, 2012) If you could be happy, would you want to be?
Hoopty Time Machine (January 21, 2013) Dad is outside working on a hoopty car in the driveway...
Hope Springs External (November 24, 2008) I saw today a psychiatrist—the second in three months.
Hopscotch (December 25, 2008) I'm sitting in my parents' house and it's Christmas Day.
Horse (October 16, 2007)
Hotels (part one) (December 11, 2005) Lobbies: the privacy of public spaces (and vice versa)
Housekeeping (October 21, 2006) Metaphors are everywhere. Today I engaged in the apparently linguistically simple task of housekeeping:
Houseplants (February 1, 2009) I bought houseplants.
Houseplants (pt. 2) (November 6, 2009) The plants don't seem to want to grow.
How cellophane (July 15, 2007) Sometimes it's as though the aliens are reaching out to us, or the dolphins.
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (March 16, 2011) And just like that, nuclear fear is back in vogue.
How to Get Along With Others, pt. 1 (December 5, 2008) Just because you can use erudite in a sentence...
How to Make an American Omelette (October 20, 2011) You can't make an American omelette without...
Hyper-Mourning (March 11, 2007) My sister and I have quite a few separate theories about how Severus Snape isn't really evil and how Dumbledore isn't really dead.
I ♥ Christmas (December 29, 2005) Nothing brings out my latent entrepreneurial spirit like Christmas.
I + NY (August 3, 2007) I thought as soon as I moved, I'd transform into a prolific blogger. But...
I Am Not Philip Roth (September 5, 2012) Philip Roth looked at his computer screen's blinking cursor and considered, today, what to write.
i MeAnT $1000 (December 18, 2009) $$$
I Never Hear The Word (April 17, 2005) When an Emily Dickenson poem speaks to you offering up life advice, be very very careful.
I Owe My Soul (September 19, 2011) Another day...
I Think We're Turning Japanese, I Really Think So (May 24, 2008) The Whitney Biennial at The Gap; Takashi Murakami in your house...
I would like to be (June 29, 2011) Haiku.
I'm Not Funny (January 12, 2005) I watched Billy Madison this week and I didn't like it.
i/Pod (July 24, 2006) When I worked for Apple Computer, people would come to me with their iPod and ask, "What does the 'i' stand for?"
Identity Theft (January 18, 2005) I'm writing about the other Chris DeWan, Bizarro Chris DeWan, my doppelganger...
If blogging is like farming... (May 30, 2009)
If Romeo Had Stayed with Rosaline (October 4, 2010) ...
If wishes were fishes (June 24, 2010) A nursery proverb.
Imelda Marcos Syndrome (January 18, 2008)
In absence of my reflection (March 10, 2009) I remember myself incorrectly.
In Between Days (April 18, 2010) Time travel necessarily evokes a kind of identity crisis, and this trip is no different.
In Extremis (June 22, 2008) Once I'm dead, I'm perfect.
In Other News... (September 24, 2008) One of the more active corners of this blog is also one of the more hidden ones.
In Search of Lost Time (May 31, 2008) Having answered the dramatic question that has tied together an otherwise-twining series ("How will they get off the island?"), the writers offered another, unexpected one: How will they get back?
Incontrovertible Proof of the Existence of God (November 27, 2007) God exists and I can prove it.
Independents Day (July 4, 2007) First, a sincere thank you to our President and Commander-in-Chief, for giving his largely complacent electorate a good reason to review the wise words of our Forefathers.
Inexplicable, Moving (December 30, 2007) During a recent trip to the Guggenheim, I decide I'm done with modernity. Whatever that means.
Inner monologue of a Lakers fan (June 20, 2010) I'm so happy now.
Insomnia (May 30, 2006) The sky is a lush curtain of purple and the house I'm in is washed out of any other color
Instant Classic (September 20, 2005) bush
Interference (October 30, 2006) There's this sort of time card thing we use at work so we can keep track of how much time we're spending on any particular thing.
International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19, 2012) I care about International Talk Like a Pirate Day as much as the next guy.
Intro to Philosophy (February 19, 2008) My life has been a series of apostasies, and I blame this on Norman Kretzmann.
Inverse Spring Cleaning (November 5, 2007) My parents came up this weekend. A three-hour drive up, a ninety-minute brunch, and then a three-hour drive back.
Invitation to an Earthquake (June 18, 2008) I look forward to your coming.
IP Issues (October 12, 2005) I don't have a TV. Now you probably think I'm this haughty guy who listens to NPR and likes to kill everyone's buzz by announcing that I don't have a TV.
iRate (December 11, 2008) Adjective.
It's About the Power, Stupid (May 16, 2004) Donald Rumsfeld, Meet Nick Couldry. Nick Couldry, Donald Rumsfeld.
It's Getting Hot in Here (January 28, 2005) I get live, up-to-date weather reports reminding me how searingly cold it is outside. But inside, it's hot hot hot.
It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Broke) (December 31, 2008) or, Vocabulary of the Apocalypse, Pt. 1
iTangle (May 23, 2008) Noun.
I’m pretty sure I’ll never write a story ever again (August 31, 2012) I get like this sometimes.
January 1 (January 1, 2012) A heckuva day.
Joe Six Pack and the Weight of the World (October 11, 2008) Responsibility for the fate of the Western world has been laid at his feet.
Jon Stewart for President (October 16, 2004) It's hard not to think of this as the most interesting TV moment of a generation.
Just Because You're Paranoid (October 14, 2004)
Just Like Summer Camp (August 11, 2005) I want very much to regale you all with stories about my adventures since I arrived yesterday in Boston.
Kafka's Luggage (November 21, 2010) This End Up on every end, instructions to send it to contradictory destinations; locks he didn't put there...
Kill Switch (July 18, 2011) or, Computer Head, Pt. 2
Killing Time (November 20, 2008) After a while, you get tired of shooting people. That's natural.
Kindness (June 24, 2006) I wonder if I'm too nice.
Klaus Kinski's Hairline (December 20, 2006) Fitzcarraldo marches through the jungle wearing a white suit, a wild-eyed look, and hair that looks
Koan of the Colander (January 6, 2009) I can't rinse the colander.
Koan of the Jigsaw Puzzle (June 3, 2010) The Zen master scatters the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle across the table.
Kurt Cobain's Stomach (May 21, 2008) If rock'n'roll is a menace to society, then maybe it's because we're all so ill-equipped to pick our own role models.
L'Obsédant de Tour (July 16, 2005) I'm obsessed. It happens every year, around this time, and it's hard to explain why, exactly, I fixate on the Tour de France.
La Conspiración (December 14, 2004) The guacamole—in addition to be fresh and chock full of avocados—is, apparently,
La Dolce Vita (July 28, 2006)
La Joie de Weblog (May 17, 2006) En route to typing this much up, I notice joie is feminine, joie is a four-letter word. So I'm guessing the ennui hasn't passed.
Land of the Lost (April 2, 2010) The Unexistential Desert Island
Late-Stage Catholicism (February 8, 2008) O my God, I am heartily sorry for having accepted Thee
Latent Loves (pt. 1) (June 12, 2009) What are your latent loves?
Laugh Track (February 28, 2008) If you use Gmail, you probably barely notice the ads. Or maybe, like me, you take them personally.
Law School (June 10, 2009) Noun.
Left Weave Girl (March 3, 2006) There's a cute girl I keep seeing around town, and I run into her again outside of The Gap.
Lemons (December 31, 2009) When God gives you lemons...
Lemons, pt. 2 (June 23, 2010) When God gives you...
Lemons, pt. 3 (September 7, 2012) When God gives you lemons...
Less Than (June 8, 2009) It was hard to notice at first.
Let's Go Cyrodiil (October 19, 2006) Looking for quiet sailing by the beach, hiking in rugged, snow-capped mountains, or just to swap stories at a tavern and watch a show? The province of Cyrodiil has it all.
Letters of Recommendation (April 19, 2006) DubAllStar409: so I really like chris
Libertarian (July 1, 2012) Noun.
Libertarianism (January 5, 2008) Noun.
Life is a Fellini Film (July 15, 2009) And vice versa.
Life Raft (March 23, 2009) I remember, as a kid, I'd sometimes lie on my bed and pretend it was a life raft.
Life Seen Through the Pinhole Projector (September 7, 2012) That Brad Watson story I read last night was so good, I should probably stop writing forever.
Like Coffee with Your Cream? (February 17, 2005) It's Thursday and it's my third time to Starbucks in a week. I'm not the kind of person who goes to Starbucks. And yet
Like I Need a Hole in My Head (December 16, 2005) On this particular spring day, a Sunday, the DJ announced that it was "Blindness Appreciation Day."
Liminal's Revenge (June 27, 2005) For some reason, I keep thinking of a family vacation we took to New England when I was young, maybe four, barely old enough to remember anything.
Litmus Test (December 4, 2007) Tomorrow will be:
Little House in the Big Woods (July 20, 2008) Perhaps it's a pitfall of big city living
Little Yellow Envelope (May 9, 2006) I had a fantasy that by moving to Boston, to a place I had nothing and knew no one, I'd have some peace and quiet, and in the quiet, I'd be able to figure things out.
Living the iLife (i) (December 5, 2004) I'd been working for Apple Computer, hawking iPods for nearly a year, when I remembered "The Museum of Me."
Long Division (March 5, 2008) At the end of love, where does the love go?
Longevity (June 2, 2010) "Do you hold on to things?" was the question that disconcerted me.
Looking For () Are you looking for free MP3s?
Loose Change (September 3, 2012) The boy stands in the living room, straddling a suitcase, wearing dusty sneakers, pants too short, and a worn hoodie.
Lost (We Are) (October 11, 2006) I've watched only the first few episodes of ABC's Lost—and I'm already seeing it as the moral allegory of our time.
Lost and Found (April 29, 2005) inverse blog
Love in the Time of Bird Flu (February 14, 2006) There are people I love in the world, but none within two-hundred miles.
Lying Naked and Face Down (January 22, 2008) Nominations are in for the next James Dean, and we have a winner.
Lying Naked and Face Down (pt. 2) (January 24, 2008) Today, I found myself walking by Xxx Bxxxxx St in Soho, and also Xxx Hxxx St in Brooklyn...
Magazine Stand (February 6, 2009) The lowest form of capitalism...
Making Quiet (January 29, 2009) OK, OK. Don't freak out.
Man of Leisure (February 17, 2008) I'm reminded of an essay from Jock Young's 1971 book, The Drugtakers
Maniacs (December 3, 2004)
Manners (February 7, 2009) The bartender asked me what I wanted to drink, but I told her I didn't want anything. I was tired.
Manufacturing Dissent (April 3, 2010) or, Why Yankees vs. Red Sox is a Red Herring
Map of the Great Explorer (September 19, 2009) The Emperor commissioned a renowned explorer to create a definitive map of the empire's contents.
Marathon Monday (April 16, 2006) At first, I skimmed over the emails on Friday that signed off, "Have a great holiday!"
Marriage (January 20, 2010) Noun.
Matter / Antimatter (October 19, 2008) or, Will the Real Sarah Palin Please Stand Up (and Go Away)
May Contain Traces of Peanuts (January 4, 2008) Think about the last time the Democrats elected a young, smart, idealistic
Measure Twice, Cut (at) Once (March 2, 2008) Manhattan's a tough town, miserly with its second chances, and dating is no exception.
Metamorphosis (December 12, 2009) or, Destroying the dream of my own translation
Metaphors in a Nutshell (or, The Philosophy of C#) (August 26, 2005) computers
Microblog Killed the Internet Star (June 26, 2009) Who has time for blogging?
Middle of the Night (February 6, 2008) We watched light through the window...
Midlife Crisis (January 27, 2012) (for a writer)
Midwest (April 4, 2010) Noun.
Mission Accomplished? (January 12, 2009) The most urgent threat to America is...
Misunderestimations (and Vitriol) (November 6, 2004)
Mixed Up (July 16, 2009) Other, better writers have already waxed poetic on the making of the mix tape...
Mixed-Media Autobiography (June 1, 2011) In the top left drawer of the things I keep, there's a little yellow envelope, and it moves with me from city to city to city.
Most Moving Scene Involving a Dishwasher (January 7, 2009) And this year's award goes to...
Most Useful Horoscope Ever (October 20, 2010) I promise eventually I'll stop just posting horoscopes.
Most Useless Horoscope Ever (October 16, 2010) Really? This, today:
Movie of My Life (pt. 3) (August 22, 2005)
Multiple Email Personality Disorder (November 1, 2011) Noun.
Multiple Personality Disorder (May 31, 2004)
My babysitter (December 26, 2008) My babysitter is coming.
My Bad Taste (November 23, 2007)
My Evil is Strong (September 24, 2006)
My Friend Tom (October 10, 2007)
My Girlfriend (November 12, 2005)
My Kingdom for a Grow Lamp (February 2, 2011) So the weirdest thing happened and I'm going to try to explain it to you.
My Life (November 4, 2009) This, then, is my life:
My Movie Pitch (May 14, 2010) Wanna hear it?
My Own Private Inferno (October 9, 2010) In the 20th century, we each got 15 minutes of fame.
Mysterious Ways (September 28, 2011) God never burns a bridge without smashing a window.
Nail-Biting / Thumb-Sucking (August 8, 2006)
Napoleon, Retreating from Moscow (August 21, 2007)
Narcissus (March 1, 2005) Seems like the world sorts into two kinds of folk: the people who smile big when the waitress comes along with the cupcake singing the birthday song, and the people who want to crawl under the table.
Nature Abhors a Vacuum (January 9, 2005)
Never Egret (September 11, 2008) The bastard behemoth Google never forgets.
New (December 4, 2009) I got a stern talking-to from Amazon a few weeks ago.
New (January 1, 2011) It's a new year.
New #2 (February 5, 2011) Toward the end of December, a friend and I were talking about the best ways to ring in the New Year.
New law of thermodynamics (June 13, 2009) An object in motion...
New! (July 27, 2006)
News clip from a seaside town (February 11, 2009) A local man, caught in a riptide, was carried out to sea.
Nobody Likes Tarragon (January 14, 2005)
Noodles (October 10, 2005)
Not News (March 4, 2008) Every major news outlet this morning reported that today might be the day that the Democratic race for president gets decided.
Not Something You Think Every Day (Hopefully) (June 14, 2007)
Notebooks (December 18, 2006)
November Surprise (November 5, 2006)
Oddfellows Local Volunteer Fire Brigade (September 23, 2012) This was not an expedition that was bound for success. Anyone could see that, plain and simple, except for those of us who were on it.
Oddfellows Local Volunteer Fire Brigade, pt. 2 (September 25, 2012) What happened next was this:
Ode to a Spanish Yearn (August 19, 2008) If any of the following things interest you, you will see VIcky Cristina Barcelona, and you will enjoy it.
Offline (June 30, 2006)
Oil / Rigged (March 19, 2005)
On Punching the Clock (February 25, 2008) We're smart. We're adaptive. We're hackers. We're raised on games.
On the Farm (November 25, 2008) We were walking through the woods, and came to a field with a herd of deer...
On the Head of a Pin (March 31, 2008) Luc Besson's Angel-A
On the Road (October 22, 2005) It's like a dream. There's some kind of country music coming from the car stereo and no traffic on the road.
On the Veranda (November 7, 2007) It's going to be another one of those days, by which I mean frustrating.
Once You've Been in Serenity... (March 11, 2005) whedon
One Way Ticket (February 7, 2008) I resolved that if she got off at my stop, I would talk to her, ask her to coffee, ask her something.
Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny (April 7, 2006)
Open Call (July 5, 2005)
Open Letter to Senator Barack Obama (February 13, 2008) I'd like to begin by saying what Clinton seems unable to say: congratulations.
Operation: Dystopia (June 7, 2008) Life at the End of Oil
Opportunity Not Knocking (September 11, 2012) Opportunity is staring at me from across the street, sipping iced tea on his porch on this hot summer day, not really inclined to go much of anywhere.
Our love is like a nuclear bomb (September 12, 2012) ... which is supposed to sound sexy...
Outage (October 20, 2012) The power has been out on my block for about an hour now.
Oy vey (May 28, 2008) Visiting Bostonite, noticing that New York has fewer Dunkin Donuts franchises:
Packing (August 19, 2009) I'm packing for that trip I'm about to take.
Packing (October 22, 2010) is one percent perspiration, and...
Paint on the Palette (August 19, 2005) I've had six-hundred thousand impressions each day and I can''t manage to focus them into a single thought.
Panchito's: The Worst Mexican Food on the Planet (June 22, 2009) The Mexican restaurant at 105 MacDougal Street, NY, doesn' seem like a place that would inspire superlatives.
Pandora's (Boom) Box (December 9, 2005)
Pantone 381U (September 27, 2006)
Pantone 700U (March 30, 2008) is the color of my face flushed with fever.
Pantone 7499U (March 29, 2008) is the color of my ashen face.
Parable of the Salve (September 9, 2008) Let's say, you have a condition.
Parabola () repurposeful
Paris (November 4, 2007) First, I nearly missed the plane.
Party's Over (November 9, 2006)
Passive Aggressive (December 3, 2008) My therapist suggests I might be passive-aggressive.
Path to a Clear Conscience (February 23, 2008) Repeat this phrase:
Peanut Butter and Fizzy Water (April 4, 2011) The Apocalypse won't be the spa vacation I'd imagined.
Perchance To (March 15, 2007) Have I told you about the dreams?
Perfect Love (April 23, 2010) In my mind, so much is perfect.
Phenomena / Noumena (October 14, 2007)
Philanderer's secret (June 10, 2012) When I say I love you...
Please Play Again (April 12, 2005) itunes
Pom Reading (February 7, 2005)
Poseidon's Net (October 28, 2011) She comes back to our apartment doused in salt water, kelp in her hair.
Postcards (November 29, 2012) You always collected postcards, everywhere you went, imagining some day you'd sit at home, the solid comfort of your desk, and send them out to your friends and family.
Postcards from the West (March 30, 2006) Dear ~~Rxxxxxx~~...
Pot Rack (January 9, 2006)
Precious Time (February 24, 2008) I get it in my head that I need a watch.
Preemptive Eating (April 16, 2010) Phrasal verb.
Private Conversation (February 21, 2011) "You need to chill the fuck out," I tell my brain.
Projectile Sputum (January 23, 2005)
Puer Aeternus (October 14, 2007)
Quitting (May 15, 2011) Every day lately, I wonder if I need to quit caffeine.
Raison d'être (December 4, 2005) During my week-plus hiatus from blogging, I've been mulling a few ideas I think might be interesting, but whenever I sit down and start typing, all that comes out are little blips about Veronica Mars.
Raison d'être, pt. 3 (September 2, 2008) I've been accused of saying things because they are pretty instead of true.
Ravel / Unravel (January 30, 2009) Somewhat unique in the English language, the word "ravel" has the same definition as the word "unravel".
Reach for the Stars (February 19, 2005) Forget about Chuck Yeager; he's so 1983. The movie-going public is currently zeroed in on a different breed of test pilot, thanks to Martin Scorsese's biopic The Aviator.
Reaching the Pegbox (January 16, 2008) The thing is: you are not the primary agent of your life.
Rebound congestion (April 21, 2011) Noun.
Reckoning (March 25, 2012) It's not a genre, "experimental living."
Reconstruction of the Fables (April 6, 2011) Back then, it turns out, isn't so different from now.
Recycling (May 22, 2005) meta
Red No. 32 (September 20, 2007)
Redisenfranchisement (April 24, 2008) Noun.
Reflexive (March 7, 2006) In the moment that I realize I've fallen out of love, it's like having a tooth pulled.
Rejected Transplant / Phantom Limb (November 17, 2007)
Relocating (July 25, 2008) is temporary.
Renewal (June 14, 2012) She buried her husband with thirty-two years of National Geographic back issues on top of his coffin.
Repeal the Constitution! (July 9, 2008) or, Unindependence Day
Resolve (January 2, 2006)
Retroactive Consolation (November 11, 2008) Don't worry.
Return to the Valley of the Blogs (March 9, 2007)
Ridiculous Ironic Dilemma (June 18, 2006)
Rilke for Retards (June 4, 2006) She was in my "cohort", and because of it we knew each other well, knew each other's secrets.
Roast, Well Done (May 1, 2006)
Rock and a Hard Place (March 31, 2005) music
Romantic Idealism, pt. 1 (August 13, 2008) Do I miss you, or just memories of you?
Romantic Idealism, pt. 2 (August 17, 2008) By the time you feel a fear of loss, you have already lost the thing that you are scared to lose.
Romantic Idealism, pt. 3 (August 18, 2008) Though he predates mobile telephony by a few decades, Barthes writes something that accounts for the phantom ringing of the cellphone in my pocket.
Romantic Idealism, pt. 4 (August 20, 2008) I've been considering Schopenhauer's somewhat despairing ideas about love.
Sad Strangers, Photographed Beautifully (December 8, 2004)
Sainthood (March 25, 2005) george bush
Salt in the Wound (July 12, 2005)
Same Sherpa, Different Urb (August 10, 2005)
Santa 101: An Introduction to Santa (December 11, 2011) The course will include:
Savasana is Hard (October 15, 2007) The practice of yoga is about contorting the body into awkward positions with funny names, so as to inflict so much searing intensity upon your limbs that it shuts out the ceaseless chatter of the brain.
Savasana is Hard (pt. 2) (October 19, 2007) My yoga teacher walks around the class, correcting people's postures. She stops next to my mat, watches, and finally says...
Schadenfüße (February 17, 2011) Noun.
Scotland is the New Manchester (December 30, 2004)
Scratching at the Door (August 27, 2008) There is a sad, forgotten dog, scratching at the door, waiting to be let in.
Scream (April 24, 2005)
Search Engine Blew a Gasket (ii) (April 9, 2005) inverse blog
Searching for Littlefoot (September 13, 2012) No one ever goes in search of Littlefoot.
Secret of the Universe, pt. 2 (April 12, 2010) is...
Seeing Through Superman's Glasses (September 19, 2008) The glasses make the man.
Seven Days (July 12, 2007)
Sex in the City (June 10, 2008) As if finding a loved one in New York City weren't enough...
Shades of Gray (November 18, 2004)
Shiva the Destroyer (February 14, 2009) We were on the train and we were going toward important places, and that is what allowed us to disappear into ourselves.
Sigh (September 4, 2011) At the end of a vacation in the mountains, you return home
Six Degrees of (January 17, 2009) assocation
Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, drive fast.
(No tenemos...) (February 22, 2005)
Sleeper, Awake (February 2, 2012) Last night, I dreamt...
Slow Leak from Parade Balloon (November 27, 2008) On Thanksgiving...
Slow News Month (January 14, 2006)
Smokejumper (September 4, 2012) There's a fire now up in the mountains and I'm thinking of volunteering to fight it.
Smudge Stick (November 26, 2007)
Snakes (March 17, 2009) They said it was the warmer weather, and the rains, which brought the snakes to our city.
Snow Job (March 16, 2007)
Social Anorexia (June 2, 2011) Noun.
Socratic Methadone (August 25, 2008) The technique of using the Socratic Method upon one's self
Solipsist in a Hall of Mirrors (November 4, 2006)
Sounds of Silence (March 23, 2008) Gus Van Sant's Paranoid Park
Spam-o-Rator (January 28, 2006) It took me a little while to recognize the signs.
Spinning Wheels (January 29, 2006)
Spite (May 10, 2011) Noun.
Sports Talk (May 26, 2010) A grownup Mad Lib.
Spotless (January 3, 2005) The ha-ha, very funny joke in these parts lately is that,
Squishy Jeans (June 10, 2006)
Start Spreading the News (July 29, 2005)
State of the Union (November 8, 2005)
Stay on Target (July 25, 2004)
Steamer (September 16, 2012) Granddad's stories don't always check out.
Stella of the Angels (January 22, 2009) I lost focus so I went to a fortune teller.
Stingy (January 7, 2005)
Stinks (July 17, 2005)
Stockpiling Status Updates (Augusut 6, 2009) (in case the social media sites go down again)
Stories in Stone (September 18, 2005)
Stranger Than Fiction (June 20, 2005) Damn good coffee! And hot!
String Theory (June 11, 2010) Noun.
Structure from motion at equiluminance (February 14, 2008) Memories are painted on acidic paper and in fugitive colors
Stupor Bowl (February 6, 2011) Sports fans are partisan hacks.
Sugar and Stones (September 1, 2009) I am an ant, but I forget sometimes, and I think that I'm a spider.
Suicide for Dummies (February 16, 2008) Feeling all alone? Thinking of killing yourself? Go for it.
Sunday Drive (May 21, 2011) The sun is high and hot and it hasn't rained in weeks.
Sunset (October 30, 2008) All that's left now is whatever comes next.
Sunset in Boston, pt. 2 (June 10, 2007)
Sunshine. Springtime. Shopping Mall. (May 20, 2006)
Super Bowl Tuesday (February 5, 2008) It all comes down to this. A chance at immortality. Because history is written by the winners.
Swastikas in the Window (October 26, 2011) I saw them from half a block away, painted onto the window fixtures.
Syncopation (June 19, 2006)
Syndicated Communists (September 1, 2006)
Tastes Like Chicken (January 12, 2008)
Tech Support Our Troops (May 25, 2010) The visitors from Fort Huachuca, Arizona don't seem much interested in reading, really.
Technologies for the Down and Out (June 7, 2010) (never used for the joy of the thing itself)
Technology and the Theatre (pt. 1) (February 10, 2008) Indulge me for a minute.
Terminal B (March 29, 2007)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (May 3, 2005) george bush
That Guy (December 12, 2007) It's that guy. That insomniac road crew guy who runs the jack-hammer. He's at it again.
That Kind of Crazy Afternoon (August 9, 2009) The summer has been really lousy.
That New Flatware (November 7, 2009) Where I work, they recently bought new flatware...
The Zen of Social Media (November 20, 2009) Twitter is like a koan.
The 100th Floor (May 9, 2010) In all his days as a window washer, he had never once seen a door on the outside of the hundredth floor, until that day.
The Aesthetics of Emotional Minimalism (November 11, 2005) or, How to Disappear Completely
The Alphabet According to Google (November 9, 2010) A is for Amazon, B is for Best Buy, ...
The Architect (March 27, 2011) Somehow we'd all started to share the same dream.
The Atheist of Dekalb Street (September 10, 2012) In our town, the Irish go to Irish church, the Italians go to Italian church, the Polish go to Polish church, and no one knows any Protestants.
The Beginning of the End (December 20, 2012) The reason we hope for a Mayan apocalypse....
The Bigfoot Sighting of Emory Crane (September 9, 2012) Emory Crane was up in the woods and he saw a bigfoot, or said he did.
The Bogeyman (February 21, 2008) The bogeyman came over last night, and he wasn't as scary as I'd remembered.
The Book (October 2, 2012) I climbed down to the basement.
The bucket and the well (August 30, 2010) The well doesn't run dry.
The Cave (September 27, 2012) This is the sort of thing boys dream of, when they go outside to play in a field.
The Changeling (September 15, 2012) Max the changeling child sits in the mud where the other boys have pushed him.
The Cleaning Lady (December 6, 2008) His apartment was too large and his schedule too busy...
The Common Cant (May 23, 2010) Oh, it's only a blog!
The Communist Fairy Tale Manifesto, pt. 1 (May 7, 2010) The point of a fairy tale is to train you to think expansively.
The Country of Lost Children (December 18, 2004) If you watch the trailer to Jean-Pierre Jeunet's A Very Long Engagement, you'll see a sweeping love story set during wartime and shot from some interesting angles.
The Definition of "Like" (November 7, 2010) If you know any actors or solo musicians, then maybe you've seen this terrible bit of syntax.
The elephant in the room (July 6, 2005)
The End of the World, Again (January 1, 2005)
The exact moment (March 1, 2010) I am capable of great things...
The Falconer Cannot Hear the Falcon (October 28, 2009) It comes from all sides, it seems.
The Fall of Man, pt. 1 (August 7, 2008) George Lucas's Clone Wars
The Fall of Man, pt. 2 (August 10, 2008) Pixar's Wall-E
The Far End of the Curve (September 15, 2008) "Successful, obscenely well-educated, and sort of adrift."
The Fibonacci Forest (October 24, 2011) When she was one year old, to celebrate, her mother planted her a tree.
The Finished Form of the Future Catastrophe (March 2, 2006) Some days—and today is definitely one of those days—I wonder why we even bother.
The Garden (June 21, 2012) There was nothing to understand.
The Good Samaritan of Smith Street (July 12, 2008) It was all just a big misunderstanding. It was a whole set of misunderstandings, in rapid succession.
The Great Outdoors (April 28, 2008) It's spring, and I'm surrounded by the most beautiful scenes of nature that one could imagine
The Highlight of My Week (October 26, 2005)
The House of Doors (July 27, 2011) Please drink your hot chocolate. We have quite a day ahead of us, and I don't know when we'll have time for another snack.
The Idealist Versus the Progressive (February 15, 2008) Are we voting with our heads or with our hearts?
The Ids of March (March 15, 2005) I'm crazy. Or at least I was crazy. Or at least there are some pieces of paper somewhere in the world that would indicate that I'm crazy. Or was crazy.
The Importance of Being Ernest (July 2, 2005) Here's a story, probably apocryphal, but still good:
The Internet is Evil (March 17, 2007) I've said it before and I'll say it again: in a world as big as ours, I'm amazed people are even as nice to each other as they are.
The Interview (September 14, 2012) Are you ready? Are you scared?
The Introspective Superhero (April 19, 2010) The Introspective Superhero would happily rescue people, if only he knew with certainty that is what they wanted.
The Ionizer (September 23, 2012) There is dirt everywhere.
The iPhone is Not Jesus (July 11, 2008) Even Gandhi had to wait in line for the new iPhone.
The Kingdom of Frogs (August 18, 2012) During the last week of her mother's life, we sat on the back porch listening to the frogs.
The Kitchen (January 26, 2012) It's a size to which I've grown accustomed.
The Labyrinth, Part 1 (May 7, 2011) There was a monster.
The Legacies of Darth Vader (May 31, 2005) The spinal injury also leaves him unable to breathe unaided.
The Lion and the Thorn (September 8, 2008) One day, a lion roaming through the jungle got a thorn in his paw.
The Lomo American Dream (April 24, 2010) A walk on Hollywood Boulevard
The Lost City (October 22, 2011) The architect was busy drafting plans.
The Man in My Eyes (May 22, 2010) When I close my eyes, there's a man talking to me.
The Man in the Ghillie Suit (November 13, 2012) There was a story in the news recently...
The Man of Tomorrow (June 5, 2010) Superman was persuaded to hire an IT guy.
The Man-Meter-Maid (November 13, 2010) "This is a no parking zone."
The Manuscript (May 11, 2010) Working on a poetry manuscript is like...
The Margarine Manifesto (February 24, 2009) In the deepest parts of the woods, there are no forking paths, because there are no paths.
The McGovern Moment (August 21, 2008) I'd like to suggest that Barack Obama is about to enter his George McGovern moment.
The Most Authentic Art in the World (April 5, 2008) In 1940, four teenagers in the south of France fell into a cave and discovered what might be the most authentic art ever made
The Movie of My Life (June 1, 2005) You ever play this game?
The Naughts (September 1, 2008) One example of how I wish I could write.
The Obituary (July 6, 2008) Imagine his surprise when he saw the obituary.
The Physics of Dirty Dishes (March 5, 2005) "You're the cleanest person I know," she says, as I wipe down the counter, and it's impossible for me not to wonder -- how skanky are her other friends?
The Rapid Acceleration of Things (July 8, 2009) or, Microblog Killed the Internet Star, pt. 2
The Raptors: Five Days and Nights in Silence (September 8, 2006) Obtuse pictures of malaise from the myths of nature
The Right Punchline (December 29, 2009) Like so many of life's puzzles, this one is really about finding...
The Rise of the Creative Corporal (January 16, 2005)
The Rowboat (June 16, 2010) I had a rowboat but I lost it.
The Santoku (November 1, 2010) There's a knife I want.
The Second Step (April 26, 2010) No wonder.
The Secret Museum (July 11, 2010) or, Small Wonders from the American Collection
The Secret of the Universe (April 1, 2010) is...
The Shortest Days (December 21, 2007) The cost of sleeping till 11am is greater on these shortest days of the year...
The Simple Life (February 3, 2006)
The Softer Side of Suicide (May 3, 2006)
The Strongest Man in the World, pt. 1 (November 17, 2009) Sometimes it's not easy being the world's strongest man.
The Subway (October 14, 2012) After I died, I went to a bardo that looked like a subway car.
The Terrorist of Shangri-La (February 10, 2013) After working so hard to find contentment, I'm scared now it'll bore me. Have I been aimed at the wrong thing all along?
The Thick of the Woods (August 15, 2010) Two lovers in a meadow by a forest.
The Tired End of the Party (September 16, 2012) It was late, and the party was getting down to its last dregs.
The Travelers' Guide to Scatology (April 14, 2010) Part One: Air Travel
The Under-the-Bed Monster (October 30, 2011) A Halloween story.
The Waitress (February 26, 2010) It is our dream that distinguishes us. The dream, and the degree to which we are willing to chase it.
The Wallpaper (September 7, 2010) She liked the wallpaper so much.
The Wide Wide River of Regret (December 12, 2011) You wake to find yourself adrift in a boat, floating on a river, heading out to sea, and then you realize the boat is a coffin, and it's yours, because you're dead....
The Woman Who Planted Her Children (June 21, 2010) When the first one died, she buried it herself in her own backyard, and on that spot grew a beautiful tree.
The World According to Facebook (March 27, 2008) Yesterday, my mother asked me about the well-being of my sister's husband's brother's wife's father.
The Wraths of Grape (June 1, 2006)
The Year of Living Quietly (December 31, 2005)
Therapy (May 17, 2005)
There's No Place Like Texas (pt. 1) (January 3, 2008) I want to click together the heels of my cowboy boots and say
These Are My Hands (April 9, 2008) There's a fire in my kitchen.
These news cycles (January 15, 2010) I mean, the New York Times has covered it. By the time they get there, it must be over.
Things to Do in Paris When You're Dead (October 28, 2007)
Thinking of Elephants (October 22, 2006) It's that time of year. The air is getting crisp, the leaves are starting to turn, and the Democrats are getting hopeful. Silly Democrats.
This is the Enemy (March 4, 2010) It's not too late to save America.
This is where I am (February 10, 2009) Walking across the bridge.
This Is Your Life (December 12, 2004) You wake up a little before sunrise. You sit up but you can't see; you have a cracked pair of glasses around somewhere but who knows where.
This Old House (April 7, 2008) A friend and I were recently talking about Walden.
This So-Called Idolatry (February 14, 2005)
This So-Called Universe (September 18, 2012) Every now and then, I read an article about how our lives, the world we live in, the sum total of our experiences and feelings and thoughts, everything we consider real, are actually a complicated computer simulation. This sounds about right to me.
Those Were the Days (Ode to Hunter?) (March 6, 2005)
Though I Walk Through the Valley of the Shadow (November 22, 2008) Yesterday's antipathy is today's nostalgia, and it comforts me.
Time Lapse (May 11, 2008) There is the version of the story of our lives that we tell ourselves we're living, and then there is the version we're actually living.
Time Lapse, pt. 2 (June 23, 2008) Negative Space
Time Lapse, pt. 3 (June 24, 2008) Waking from Sleep
Tipsy Topsy Turvy (January 1, 2009) or, How to Describe 2008 in 3 Words or Less
To Whom It May Concern (June 15, 2006)
Tomorrow (November 3, 2008) When we elect Barack Obama
Tomorrow, pt. 2 (January 19, 2009) I'm going to cry tomorrow, when Barack Obama is sworn in as President of the United States.
Tomorrow, pt. 3 (September 6, 2009) In many ways, it was better when Bush was president.
Tonight I Can't Write the Saddest Lines (August 12, 2006) The thing about poetry—
Tornado (February 6, 2008) Noun.
Toward the End of iLife (September 19, 2007)
Trick or Treat (October 29, 2005)
Triskaidekaphobia (June 13, 2006)
Truth (August 23, 2008) [unedited thought]
Truth (June 7, 2009) The truth: what is oblique.
TV 2.0 (February 6, 2006)
Twining / Untwining (May 18, 2011) This is a sad way of these things:
Tzniut (April 10, 2011) The man who cuts my hair doesn't really cut hair.
Unexpressed Electoral Anger, circa 2004 (October 1, 2008) I am not suggesting that you should pick someone thoughtful, wise, or qualified for the job.
Unholy Alliance (April 3, 2005) george bush
Unmitigated Evil (March 3, 2005) Unmitigated evil lives in me. I know this because
Unpacking Home (May 3, 2012) At what point does the new place become home?
Unrecycling (May 1, 2008) Like so many of my fellow Americans, I am deeply concerned about fossil fuel consumption and the resulting effects on the global climate.
Unusual Cognition (October 25, 2007)
Up On Blocks (February 12, 2005)
Up Over the Manhattan Bridge Overpass (May 8, 2008) I walk home from work, five and a half miles door-to-door.
Upon smashing a silverfish lurking on my wall (September 22, 2008) Smashing it with an old unread magazine
Urban Renewal (March 12, 2009) Tonight I wandered through the Manhattan streets, aiming to get lost.
Vacation to Saturn (January 19, 2005)
Vampires Vs. Zombies (Ongoing) (January 18, 2009) The age of the intelligent zombie is upon us.
Vanishing Point (September 28, 2008) or, Going Through Old Things
Vegan (January 17, 2008) ve-gan. Noun.
Very (November 13, 2006)
Victoria's Other Secret (April 18, 2008) A side of ...
Visine Poisoning (April 9, 2005) If you have ingested Visine, please call 911 or a poison control center.
Voir Dire (July 13, 2010) After Kant...
Wanderlust (September 15, 2009) wears on the soul.
Want-Induced Psychosis (pt. 1) (January 6, 2008) By the time we end a relationship, usually the person we loved is already gone.
Want-Induced Psychosis (pt. 2) (January 9, 2008) I was young and romantic and at the beginning of a great adventure, and I knew it, and she was too, and she knew it.
Want-Induced Psychosis (pt. 3) (January 31, 2008) No matter what is next, the Golden Age is over.
Warning Signs: Lost at Sea (October 17, 2007)
Wave of Humility (December 31, 2004)
We which are alive (May 17, 2011) My guess on the Rapture is:
Weak and Fruitless Words (September 11, 2011) September 11 has become a holiday in the United States.
WebMD (November 15, 2006)
Welcome to Middle-Class Poverty (July 20, 2004)
What a View (November 27, 2004) Yesterday a man jumped from the observation deck of the Empire State Building, fell eighty stories to a sixth-floor landing, and died instantly. His name and motives are unknown.
What I Like (May 29, 2008) For the last week, I've been followed around by a robot.
What I Wish They'd Said at My Graduation (March 18, 2011) Stop being scared that you won't live up to your potential. You won't.
What Would Jason Do? (November 16, 2007) Walking by the Gare de L'Est on my way out of Paris, I got a sense of déjà vu...
When Harry Met Daniel (August 4, 2009) The Urban Sherpa Interviews Daniel Radcliffe
When He Surrounded Himself... (February 12, 2008) He contemplated: what was the best way to eat everything?
When I write (December 16, 2008) I forget the things I wish I remembered and I spend too much time thinking on things I'd just as soon forget.
When in the course of human events (April 15, 2010) Dedicated to the Tea Parties.
When the Muse Comes Knocking (August 26, 2010) let her in...
Where Every American Dream Goes to Die (May 3, 2008) I'm not a very good driver. You should know that, first of all.
Where is My Mind? (August 30, 2006) "Stop."
Where Trains Make Sense (December 1, 2006)
Whiskeytown (November 10, 2008) If you average four drinks a night, you may or may not have a drinking problem.
White Lies, pt. 1 (July 28, 2008) "What's that?," she asked, at the rustling of the underbrush in Tompkins Square.
White Man Tan (April 20, 2010) Noun.
White Noise (February 16, 2011) By perfect, we don't mean the best, but only the most unflawed.
Why I Blog (December 29, 2008) It's like I was born without skin.
Why I Can't Relate to Humanity (January 20, 2008) (video)
Winona Forever (May 7, 2005)
Wispy, Slightly Musty (April 14, 2011) Nostalgia is just...
Wood I Could (October 12, 2008) The fifth anniversary of The Urban Sherpa fast approaches.
Work (March 17, 2006) Noun.
Work (March 24, 2009)
Work (October 11, 2011) Friendship is work.
Working from Home (August 6, 2007) Am I just cutting out one-quarter of my life's excitement?
World War CO2 (February 9, 2008) When Joseph Romm lists the litany of reasons that a vote for McCain in the upcoming presidential election would be a disaster for the global environment, he also describes what he thinks is needed to arrest global warming.
Wrong Way (September 21, 2010) Theory:
Yesterday's News (October 2, 2008) I'm no fan of bootlegs. But...
You Are What You Eat (December 27, 2009) And now I eat self-righteous, prissy foods
You Know You've Made It When (November 5, 2005) You know you've made it when you get yourself a $179 trash can.
You Say Tomato, I Say Euthanasia (November 2, 2008) I walked into the drug store seeking Chloraseptic...
Your Inner Toon (July 15, 2006)
Zeno's Other Paradox (May 8, 2011) The more that the philosopher Zeno pondered how to get close to people...

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