Frequently Asked Questions

The following questions are based on actual search queries which lead people to this site.

What is a sherpa? Can you carry my luggage?

A sherpa is a member of a Himalayan people famous for their ability to guide prideful Europeans up to the top of tall, treacherous mountains. But I grew up outside Philly, lived in Southern California for a while, and now make my home in New York Los Angeles. I'm happy to share what I know, and if I'm nearby, then yes, I can help you lift your suitcase into the plane's overhead compartment. Beyond that, you're on your own.   Learn more ››

Is Visine poisonous? Does it cause diarrhea?

I have no idea. I'm not a doctor, a chemist, or a poison control center. Seriously, why would you ask a blogger something as serious as this?   Learn more ››

Why do bagels suck in Boston?

It's all about the water. Also, it's about the fact that many things suck in Boston. The people there just don't know any better.   Learn more ››

What does Johnny Depp's tattoo say?

Why don't you ask him?   Learn more ››

How do you like your coffee?

I'll have what Kyle MacLachlan's having.   Learn more ››

Should I kill myself?

Maybe.   Learn more ››

How is Hillary Clinton in the sack?

Really? You're asking me this?   Learn more ››

Can I download cover versions of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" from this site?

Leonard Cohen is a brilliant artist who ran into financial difficulties late in life. If you like the song "Hallelujah," please consider buying it through legitimate channels, and send some money his way. He deserves it.   Learn more ››

Do you do any real writing?

Mind your own business. I don't tell you how to run your life, do I?